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Let’s say you’ve had a particular Yahoo email address since high school. You use
it to order products, give it to new people you meet, keep in touch with old
friends. Now say it randomly stopped forwarding to your daily inbox about two
years ago. And you? Failed. To. Notice.

You randomly log in to find thousands of messages waiting for you. Notes from
old friends, notices from services, Evite after Evite after Evite.

Suddenly, you can taste the upper part of your esophagus.

Once you begin breathing again, how much time do you spend searching for the
“Do Over” button before it’s acceptable to bang your head against the keyboard?

Tags: Yahoo Email

A while ago, Paul Ford did a piece on Sex in the City for The Morning News. It was funny. Observe:

"I prefer to imagine the show as a black-box play from the 1970s with Beckettian overtones, three women on an empty stage, looking at the audience, speaking in monotones:

1: I doubt I am fecund.
2: I have eaten so little.
3: Where are the men?
1: There are no men.
2: I will pay a woman $40 to caress and decorate my toes with varnish. I will wear shoes that cost more than the weekly wages of a restaurant worker, with tips.
3: What kind of tips?
2: Not on the shoes, for the restaurant workers.
1: I am hungry. I will not marry.
2: Talk about the shoes.
3: The shoes!
Unison: Shoes."

Tags: Peeing Women Woman

Tags: Aliens Bagger Vance Will Smith Dracula

J: I've only ever gotten two tickets.
Me: Tell the speeding one.
J: It was bad.
Me: What were you doing?
J: I was going 92 in a 55.
R: Jesus.
J: And I talked back to the cop.
Me: Why?
J: He was just going on and on about how I could've killed someone. You know?
R: What did you say?
J: I said, "Just give me the ticket."
Me: Whoa.
J: I was in a hurry.
Me: Where were you going?
J: To yoga.

Tags: Speeding Ticket Interjection Cop

This is a photo of the new cast of Laguna Beach, which is now called Newport Harbor. If you’re unfamiliar with the show, it’s MTV’s “reality” high-school drama.

The California educational system could clearly use some reform, because apparently it’s taking our high-school seniors eight years more than the national average to graduate.

Tip to the MTV casting director: If you’re trying to simulate reality, don’t cast Katherine Heigl.

Tags: Laguna Beach Newport Harbor

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